moving on....

My mother doesn't realize how hard it is to come up with a list for my grad. party. She complains that I should add more people from my grade, but seriously, I don't have many senior friends left. The group I used to hang out with often has grown much too large for my tastes and I've just wandered away from them. I hardly even talk to some of those people anymore.

A friend left our hangout a little while before I did. Just before he decided to go back to his old group, he mentioned how he realized that the cove, despite its large size and initial warm welcome, was actually very cliquey. I had to stop and agree. On the outside, we all seem so friendly. Just by walking past, we'd all seem like we're all pals and everyone gets along. Well that's a serious mistake. I walk in there and feel no warmth. Everyone has their own cliques and unless you find your own, you basically ignored for the most part. I suppose you could sit and listen to politics or WOW or some sort of video/computer/card game. Or you could find a person or two and talk about something else, although that would probably be short-lived. I joined the cove because we all used to like anime. I guess they've all just moved on while I wanted to stay where I was. I'm just not into the sorts of things my old friends now are into. Maybe I'm just not American enough.

We've all split up from the small, generally happy group of people we used to be back when we were in the walkway next to the computer lab. We may have had more problems back then, being idiot freshmen but we were pretty close or at least that's what I thought. But don't get me wrong. I still like the company of a few individuals. (Yes, individuals, not cliques.) It's not everyone I feel distant from. It's just too bad we just can't go back to how it used to be. I kind of miss that...

Maybe it's just me who can't handle large groups and not them. Maybe it's also the fact that people I've never even seen before in my life have suddenly popped up one day and made themselves at home. I always thought the cove was my "home". I mean, ifyou come home and see strangers living in your house and living with your family, wouldn't you think that was odd?

I blame the move. They kicked us out of that little walkway where the lockers used to be. So basically, I guess I'm blaming the school for all that. We were loud, yes, but who isn't? They said we were bothering the art classes. Oh give me a break. Those kids outside the math building are so loud and they disrupt math class (which I personally consider much more important than art but that might be only me) and they don't get kicked out. So why us? Then, they decided to extend the building, thus turning out hangout into a longer hallway for the people inside the building to use. That must have been on purpose. I swear, it must have been a plan to get rid of us. But they should have realized what that did to us. It made us move to a new, bigger space, causing us to expand beyond control. Haha, I guess the way the cove sort of keeps "control" of the number of people residing there is by weeding out people like me who just couldn't take the surge in population.

I guess that place just isn't meant for quiet, low-tolerance people.