last writing assignment

1. What has improved?

I think my organization has improved slightly. Organization has always been a problem for me ever since I can remember. But this year, after taking Asian Am. Lit, Composition, and European history with all those essay tests, I think the constant practice has helped me to improve.

2. What is your voice/style?

My style of writing is very conversational almost to the point where it's too casual and informal. My mom told me once that I "write how [I] speak" and I guess that's really true. Sometimes, I just write the words down in the order they come to my mind, which is probably the reason why I have organizational problems.

3. "Every writer writes only one story." What is your story?

I noticed in my blogs, I wrote a lot about leaving Hawaii and friends and family relate things. So basically, I wrote about things that affected me closely. I thought it was kind of embarrassing becuase it seemed like I was single-minded even though I had tried to have a variety of blog entries.

4. What do you still need to work on?

While I believe I have improved on organization of my papers, I still think of it as something I need to improve on. It's more that I want to be creative and have organization at the same time. I can be organized if I follow the intro, 3 points, conclusion style of writing which I think is kind of boring. Speaking of conclusions, I also think I need to work on figuring out how to write conclusions better. I hate writing conclusions because I feel like it has to be the best part of the paper that leaves your audience thinking of something important and I don't think my conclusions measure up to that.

thoughts on video

i wondered why we watched grizzly man for. i couldn't think of why (maybe i just wasnt fully there because of physics exams and all) but after sitting here, listening to it again while thinking about the essay at the same time, i get it now.

to me, that timothy guy is crazy, a complete psycho. i wouldn't even go near a grizzly bear, period. i wouldnt even think for a second, "oh, that sounds like fun" because even though they can look soft and cuddly in the nature shows, you know that a 900 pound mass of meat isn't that gentle and friendly at all. throught watching the movie the first time, all i could think of was "god, that guy's an idiot. he annoys me. how can you possibly be so naive?" i rolled my eyes and laughed at the weird things he did and said.

"this is my life, this is what i do. i love it. it's pathetic but i love it"

after i heard that, i realized that we're all like that. maybe not to the same extent, but we're all like that. i like to do some pretty weird things that many would never think that someone like me would do. for example, i used to do baseball and robotics and shop and now i'm on the rifle team and i like anime. my friend once said, "riflery is my life, i love it." sounds familiar?

we're all sort of like timothy treadwell in a way.

sorry it took so long

i used to get really mad at you because...
well, you were mean to me
yet no matter what you did, i always forgave you

you told me i was mean to you too
but i retorted that it was only because you were that way to me
and you agreed that it was only fair

but i would tell myself
no! it's NOT fair!
even if sometimes you're the most
rotten
evil
horrible little brat,
i would always end up puting down my homework to help you with yours
and i thought that it seemed a little unfair that i seemed to be the only one who bothered to be nice.

but you know, my friend
i was wrong
it only took me till today to realize that sometimes....

you're pretty nice to me too


forgiving despite the fact the other picks on you,
pokes fun at you,
makes you so angry you think you'll get an ulcer one day because of it....
the unconditional love
unconditional forvgiveness
is that what friendship really is?

saying goodbye to perfection

nine days left. isn't that a ridiculously small number? in a month, i'll be saying goodbye to my home of 13 years.
------------------------------

"if you could only remember one time (we shared together) what would it be?" he asked me.

i approached the question by immediately playing back all the times that stood out the most in my head and trying to decide which one i liked the best. could it be the day he asked me out? or how about that thursday? or what about the time we skipped air rifle practice? oh, and i cant forget about the rose bowl trip...

but i couldn't decide which time i wouldn't be able to sacrifice. i just couldn't decide which would be the one i just wouldn't be able to part with...

but then it hit me.

i really didn't need those other times. sure, they were nice, memorable, and special, but to me... it'd be the simplest times that i'd want to keep forever. we all remember the time when so-and-so did this hilarious thing or when something out-of-the-ordinary ridiculously awesome thing happened. many of us will remember how we almost took states for football last year, cus we cheered so loud and the band played their hearts out. but it's really the everyday things that will mean the most. we'll only be able to remember maybe half of all those exciting times and it'll be the ordinary days that will always remain dear to us.

for some reason, the realization made me feel immensely sad. partially because after high school, we'll never be like that again. i'll never get to sit with him so carefreely under the little overhang by alexander. there will be other people who will hang out there after we're all gone. i'll never be able to lie down on the stones and lazily look out towards the trees, the clouds, the sky like how i do now...

those are the kind of times i'll miss the most. sure, the future is bound to be full of surprises, good times and the like, but that just wont be the same. now comes the fork in the road and we will all go our seperate ways. thank you to all who have made an impression on me, left their mark-- good or bad-- because as cliche as it all may sound, it's shaped me into who i am today.

even though i want this to never change, i know that time will pass and we'll be different no matter how hard i can try. just thinking about how i can't make this perfection last forever makes the lump form in my throat. i hope in the future i'll never forget why i cry over these things now... i hope i'll never forget the importance and the beauty of this carefree innocence of my of high school days......

He told me not to cut my hair

I remember reading somewhere that long hair and long fingernails are considered "beatiful", especially in certain cultures like ours. The writer then made the assupmtion that this was the reason for the growth in popularity of hair extensions, artificial nails, and manicures. I personally don't agree with putting fake stuff on me, but I guess I would say it has become popular...

Is there an appeal to long hair? I wondered about this after realizing that many of my guy friends have mentioned at one point or another that they prefer girls with long hair. Being a girl with short hair, this sort of offended me. What's wrong with short hair! It's easier to care for and I never have to deal with tangles.

When my hair was short, many said I looked like a little kid, and I was even told I could pass for a long-haired guy... So does that mean that long hairedness is synonomous to femininity? And so by transitive property, does that mean femininity means beauty?

w00t

SAT II season is here. For the juniors, that is. Not for me, haha. It's interesting to watch them all stress and worry over SAT II's. I took 2 last year and my thinking was "if I do poorly, that's okay" because I didn't choose any schools that required subject tests. I don't think I was very stressed as a junior which you may find odd. Well, of course I was stressed about grades, but I did pretty well on the SAT reasoning in junior year so I wasn't rushing to retake it.

I don't think the SAT's are that important. If you ask me, I'd say grades and the essay is more important than your score on a dumb test. I guess it has some importance to me in the sense that I wouldn't recommend totally bombing it and not caring, but as long as your score is decent, retaking it to get just a little bit better is a waste of money. I guess if you wanted to get into an ivy league school with lots of competition, it'd carry more weight, but then again, I think that ivy league schools are overrated. Yes, some colleges are better than others, but after a certain point, it's just the name that makes one college better than another. Of course that's just my opinion, and I'm sure there are many people out there who would like to argue with me. Although, I guess they need a place to put all the smart people.

But back to my first paragraph... If I think about it, I guess I kinda feel left out.

highschool: (arguably) the ultimate growing experience

yea, so i know that writing about or reflecting about this topic is rather cliche, but i kind of just felt like it tonight. i was in the shower 2 minutes ago and the thoughts kinda just popped into my head. it was probably from the open forum thing we did in class today. there was a question about end-of-the-year regrets which went from regrets about not being able to take all the classes i wanted to, to regrets from the past. then my thoughts seemed to rise with the steam in the shower and bright flashes of thought smacked me in the face, along with the bar of soap which i had been squeezing too tightly from the excitement of so many ideas rushing through my brain. (T_T)

looking back as a senior, high school love is just stupid. as freshmeat, we were all nervous about how others would think of you. a boyfriend or girlfriend could place you higher on the status rungs. or maybe we thought we actually loved a certain person (but as a 14-15 year old... how would you know?) and you would sacrifice more than you should for a person who possibly wont reciprocate your feelings. even as a junior or senior, some of us do that. however, by senior year, you should know how to set priorities, learn how to balance your time between learning and your love life, and set rules for yourself.

so, okay, maybe as seniors we feel like we're more experienced. i guess it sort of has something to do with getting comfrotable with yourself and whatnot yadda-yadda. many of us look at things more apathetically where as freshies, we were all so emotionally involved with everything. the most minute thing could turn ugly and send someone home in tears. as freshmen, we were all so naive, innocent, trusting, and well... fresh... in 2-3 years, *wham* we soon turn into hardened, maybe some of us even cynical, far less readily-trusting creatures (or at least that's what i've observed of myself and my senior friends).

4 years ago, i tried my hardest to win people's affection or at least keep them from disliking me. i would be extremely nice and polite to everyone, which ironically kept me at a distance. i still dont like dislike directed towards me but shikata ga nai, it cant be helped. i dwell on it less, or try to at least. i was devastated when the person i had devoted my time to had decided to turn me down. but second semester of junior year i had my little epiphany and the problem suddenly went from the center of my life to relatively non-existent. i used to spend much of my energies on trying to be social and i would hate to do homework at school for fear i'd miss out on something. but now, i'd sometimes rather just study and do my homework and basically be anti-social. o_0 *gasp* weird huh?

my friend mentioned something once. well, it sort of relates anyway. a freshman girl was asking who so-and-so liked and my friend told her "i honestly dont care who likes who anymore. as a senior, i really don't care anymore". and i thought "i havent noticed that about myself, but damn that's so true!" is this what adulthood is like where we lose all of that closeness with our friends? will we become emotionally detached people who don't involve with our friend's problems? adults would probably defend themselves by saying "well, adults should be able to take care of themselves", but that's not true for everyone. if we need someone, who will we turn to if we know that no one will care like how they did back in high school? is it better to be childishly silly and empathetic or wise and distanced?...