highschool: (arguably) the ultimate growing experience

yea, so i know that writing about or reflecting about this topic is rather cliche, but i kind of just felt like it tonight. i was in the shower 2 minutes ago and the thoughts kinda just popped into my head. it was probably from the open forum thing we did in class today. there was a question about end-of-the-year regrets which went from regrets about not being able to take all the classes i wanted to, to regrets from the past. then my thoughts seemed to rise with the steam in the shower and bright flashes of thought smacked me in the face, along with the bar of soap which i had been squeezing too tightly from the excitement of so many ideas rushing through my brain. (T_T)

looking back as a senior, high school love is just stupid. as freshmeat, we were all nervous about how others would think of you. a boyfriend or girlfriend could place you higher on the status rungs. or maybe we thought we actually loved a certain person (but as a 14-15 year old... how would you know?) and you would sacrifice more than you should for a person who possibly wont reciprocate your feelings. even as a junior or senior, some of us do that. however, by senior year, you should know how to set priorities, learn how to balance your time between learning and your love life, and set rules for yourself.

so, okay, maybe as seniors we feel like we're more experienced. i guess it sort of has something to do with getting comfrotable with yourself and whatnot yadda-yadda. many of us look at things more apathetically where as freshies, we were all so emotionally involved with everything. the most minute thing could turn ugly and send someone home in tears. as freshmen, we were all so naive, innocent, trusting, and well... fresh... in 2-3 years, *wham* we soon turn into hardened, maybe some of us even cynical, far less readily-trusting creatures (or at least that's what i've observed of myself and my senior friends).

4 years ago, i tried my hardest to win people's affection or at least keep them from disliking me. i would be extremely nice and polite to everyone, which ironically kept me at a distance. i still dont like dislike directed towards me but shikata ga nai, it cant be helped. i dwell on it less, or try to at least. i was devastated when the person i had devoted my time to had decided to turn me down. but second semester of junior year i had my little epiphany and the problem suddenly went from the center of my life to relatively non-existent. i used to spend much of my energies on trying to be social and i would hate to do homework at school for fear i'd miss out on something. but now, i'd sometimes rather just study and do my homework and basically be anti-social. o_0 *gasp* weird huh?

my friend mentioned something once. well, it sort of relates anyway. a freshman girl was asking who so-and-so liked and my friend told her "i honestly dont care who likes who anymore. as a senior, i really don't care anymore". and i thought "i havent noticed that about myself, but damn that's so true!" is this what adulthood is like where we lose all of that closeness with our friends? will we become emotionally detached people who don't involve with our friend's problems? adults would probably defend themselves by saying "well, adults should be able to take care of themselves", but that's not true for everyone. if we need someone, who will we turn to if we know that no one will care like how they did back in high school? is it better to be childishly silly and empathetic or wise and distanced?...