little glass ball of friendship

Trust is such a fragile thing.

There is no one to whom I tell everything. There are people to whom I tell most things, but never all. I don't trust many people. And I never trust anybody entirely all the time. Maybe most of the time, but not all of the time. It's best to be careful, tread lightly. After all, it's better to be safe than sorry. And besides, does anyone have someone they trust all the time? I've heard people say that before, but really... is that really possible?

He says he trusts me. He says he tells me everything. But that's just not possible. And even if it were, that would take the fun away from guessing and "living on the edge" in a way. Even if you say you trust someone, it's not really possible no matter how good your intentions are when you say it.

There are people who have had my trust then lost it. It's happened more than once. There was that time once, where I completely lost control of my calm, passive appearance. We were good friends, him and I. But then one day, he took the little glass ball which held the tiny bit of trust he had managed to obtain from me and threw it, not dropped it, to the ground. There, it exploded into a million tiny shards of delicate glass which fell to the floor, making silly tinkling noises as each piece hit the ground.

I told him a secret. In all fairness, I guess he wasn't ready to take it all in. I should have warned him, I guess? I was betrayed by him. I opened up and he shut me out. And people wonder why I'm so closed off from the world of human beings. They call me "emo", "angsty", "pessimistic"... I think I'm just being... practical? Safe would be a good word too. It's not pessimistic... I just don't have the energy to deal with broken friendships. It's too much of a hassle with school and extracurricular activities. So I just don't bother. So what if I sound synical. I'm only being practical. I'm just choosing spending my last few months here wisely.