Lindsey Does A Little Victory Dance

After a fall-out with a friend, it's hard to get to talk again, don't you think?

That's why I'm so proud of myself. I'm usually the lazy ass procrastinator who somehow manages to get herself together at the very last minute. I lack initiave and I don't like people to be dissatisfied with me. I'm scared of people's dislike.

So we haven't talked in a while. I happened to find a good opportunity to strike up a conversation this morning while I was walking back from community service this morning. They had apparently worked at the same place last quarter so I figured hey, why not ask how their experience was? It was worth a shot, right?

But it was scary. Humans are silly. We're all so sensitive and afraid to do things unless we know there's a pretty high success rate. And even if it's 99.99999% sure, some of us still have doubts. But I guess it's good that we don't go around saying and doing whatever the hell we please, because I guess we can't really help that sensitivity is somewhat of a human nature.

I walked past my old hangout place. That person was there. I contemplated walking back, but I figured that would look weird. Funny how we care if something looks strange to others. So I spent much time planning out how I should go about this. 2 things surprised me: that I actually was a dork enough to plan it out like that and also that I'd do that just so I wouldn't look stupid when I ran out of things to say. Never once did I think that it didn't matter; that what happened, happened. No. It had to work and I had to do everything within my power to make it work. Why is that? Maybe I'm a little late, but it's only just occured to me how strange human interactions are...

So when I got home, that person was online too. Again, I laid out the situation and adjusted my plans. And again, I never questioned why I was doing it. I decided that I would wait till just before I signed off. Good way to bail out in case of emergency, right? Listening to myself now, hearing what my thought process was kind of scares me. Maybe "scares" isn't quite the word I was looking for. "Shocks"? Nah, maybe "scares" is fine. It also scared(?) me how scared I was to take that first step. You can't really "take back" an IM, so I guess that's what was the scariest part. I like re-do's. But this time, I couldn't just half-ass it-- I had to throw myself blindly, head-first. No one likes doing that, I know. But hey, I did it. The conversation didn't go very far, but the important point is that I took initiative for once. If I let my mom know about my social affairs (which I hardly do) then she'd probably be proud.

Sometimes, I guess, you just have to be thick-skinned and go for it.